It Was Surival, Not Self-Sabotage
A limiting belief is a protective narrative the nervous system formed to preserve safety, belonging and attachment; even if that story now restricts self-growth.
A limiting belief is not just a negative thought. It is a conclusion your nervous system came to in order to survive.
They often sound like |
I am not worthy
I always fail
I can’t change
It is too late
At some point, your system gathered evidence and decided | it is safer to stay small, safer to be perfect, safer not to try, and safer to anticipate rejection.
These are not random thoughts or character flaws. They are adaptive conslusions formed as a response to repeated emotional experiences earlier in life.
As a kid, you did not think, I will find ways to limit myself and my beliefs. These limiting beliefs were learned as a result of what was repeatedly happening in our environments. Adaptive coping mechanisms develop to meet basic survival needs.
How Limiting Beliefs Drive Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is not laziness. It is loyalty. It is an innate, subconscious surival response to ensure our safety.
If someone unconsciously believes that success = being seen and being seen = being judged/harmed then subconsciously the belief that success equals danger forms.
To protect from danger of visibility; you procrastinate, leave started projects incomplete often right before momentum builds, pick fights when good things occur, delay the thing you say you want, and stay small when expansion is available.
From the outside, this looks quite irrational. To the nervous system, this is coherence.
Underneath the self-sabotage is often a belief that
success → exposure
visibility → criticism
desire → dissapointment
The self-sabotage protects the belief that success = danger.
To challenge this belief, the system has to reorganize and that feels destabilizing. When growth feels threatening to belonging or safety (basic needs) the system will choose safety every time. The nervous system seeks out safety at all cost. Familiar is safe. Unfamiliar is dangerous.
Self-sabotage is behavior that protects an existing belief structure even when that structure is outdated. It is protective interference.
How Limiting Beliefs Fuel Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a coping strategy built on the belief that worth is conditional on results & achievements, safety is lost + rejection occurs when a mistake is made, and a deep-seated need for control.
From this understanding, perfectionism is about risk mitigation, not flawlessness. The nervous system tries to eliminate risk by eliminating imperfection.
Perfection becomes armor when people experienced childhood environments where mistakes led to shame, visibility led to criticism, and performance determined worth.
The tragic part? Perfectionism reinforces the limiting belief.
Success → That only happened because I overworked.
Failure → See, I’m not enough.
This becomes a closed loop. It is also an example of all-or-nothing thinking.
Perfectionism feels like control but it is actually fear trying to prevent loss.
Limiting Belief → Protective Strategy → Reinforcement Loop
Belief | I am only safe if I perform.
Strategy | Perfectionism.
Reinforcement | Burnout + fear of being exposed → belief strengthens
Belief | If I am seen, I’ll be hurt.
Strategy | Self-sabotage.
Reinforcement | Stagnation → I wasn’t meant for more and staying small keeps me safe
The behavior protects the belief. The outcome then comforms it. The consistency creates a self-fulfilling cycle that feels “safe”.
imiting beliefs are often embodied, not cognitive. They live in the body, not the mind. They are stored experiences in our felt sense. It is impossible to simply reframe a belief that lives in a procedural memory in the bodies tissue.
The body learned freeze, fawn, overperform, stay invisible.
To untagle these somatic experiences; you have to show your body, gently and slowly that it is safe to unlearn these beliefs and tenderly teach it new beliefs that can be stored in your soma.
Instead of shaming, judging or criticising further when you are noticing these limiting beliefs, changing the story to curiosity is a great shift from confrontation to compassion. Self-compassion is where change can actually occur.
Maybe the reframe becomes, what is this belief trying to protect me from?
From a place of curiosity and compassion, you can explore more of your inner landscape to reshape your old narrative and limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs soften thru new lived experiences of safety.
To begin exploring this in your own body, bring to mind an area of your life where you notice self-sabotage or perfectionism showing up.
Don’t analyze it. Just hold it gently in awareness.
As you think about that situation, notice where you feel it in your body.
Is there tightness? Pressure? Constriction? Heat? Numbness?
See if you can stay with the sensation for a few moments | not to change it, but simply to witness it with curiosity.
Now, softly imagine something different.
Imagine allowing yourself to succeed in this area. Fully. Without shrinking.
What happens in your body as you picture that? Does your breath shift?
Does expansion arise or does something brace?
Pay attention to the exact moment you feel yourself pulling back. The flinch. The tightening. The urge to minimize. That moment is information.
These small acts of noticing are how you begin returning to your body. And when you return to your body, you begin gently interrupting the old belief that once kept you safe.
